In college, while taking a mandated English course, my professor had us read some timeless love poem, Shakespeare's Sonnet 16 or Elizabeth Barrett Browning...one of those and then asked us how we thought it rated on the "cheeseometer." No joke, a professor asked us that question in class followed by the comment, "Is it oozing with Velveeta?" I've been racking my brain trying to remember the little man's name. I even busted out old papers from his class looking for a clue, but all I have left of him is his cheeseometer and ridiculous reference to a disturbing excuse for cheese, which I have used as a scale for the past twelve years or so.
So here we are on Valentine's Day, which I always downplay and bah, mainly so I won't be disappointed, and my valentine is on the other side of the country. How is that for karma? But I thought I would take this semi public opportunity to grandstand and bust the needle off of my personal cheeseometer because if there is anything in this world that could make me resort to cheesiness it is my love for Dan. But as I started to think about what I could say that would really express the level of velveeta-ness I would need to, I couldn't find the words and really didn't want to share them with anyone but Dan. So play in your head the lyrics to every cheesey love song you can think of and I mean really cheesey and all the sweet tender ones, too, and add in there the largest box of Russell Stover chocolates you have ever seen surrounded by all the red roses in the world and the last scenes of all the greatest romance movies that have ever existed and the cheesey ones, too, and then multiply that by a lifetime to the infinity power and then you might have a tiny little inkling to how much I love him.
Happy Valentine's Day!