Adventures in Motherhood

It is Thursday now and I wanted to go back to Monday, but truth is, I don't really remember Monday at this point. Mainly becuase on Tuesday, the bro decided that putting coins in his mouth would be fun. I blame his father for this. The fun thing that Dan does with the kids right now is magic tricks. Mainly pulling things out from their ears, but the bro is clever and if it can go in the ear, why not the mouth? I am not mad at their father because of this; I just blame him.

I didn't actually see the bro swallow a coin, I simply responded to Natalie screaming, "No, Joey, No!" And found her with her hand in his mouth. I applaud her amazing role as big sister. She truly was trying to help in such a way, that I myself have tried to help sending a penny down the bro's digestive track. So, I can't blame her...no I blame their father. I assured her that she was doing the right thing...Dan, well, I told him he could no longer do magic.

So for two days I have changed poopy diapers and with a wipe covered finger pressed through them looking for a possible nickel. Again, I am not even sure that he swallowed a nickel, but there I was, sifting through poop, and I am not five cents richer.

Today, when the bro woke from his nap, barking like a harbor seal, I took him to the doctor. Our regular pediatrician doesn't work in the office on Thursdays, so I had to tell a new doctor about my son possibly swallowing a coin. I did not think that this was related to the barking cough, but though, since I had to pay to see her, I might as well tell her everything that is going on. Good thing, too, because as it turns out a nickel lodged in my son's chest could also present as croupe. Fab! This led us to the nearest hospital so my two year old child could have a chest x-ray. (which he rocked, the radiologist was very impressed with how still he could be, a fact that I will continue to remind myself about so that I don't get caught up on the fact that my two year old was exposed to radiation).

The good news?

1. It is just the croupe and a mild case at that. Although, after being exposed to the radiation he had to take prescribed steroids, but again, I will remind myself of what a trooper he has been.

2. Neither one of them complained about being bored, hungry, or tired and by neither I mean Natalie (for which she was rewarded and then melted down the minute we came home)

Did I mention that Dan is in Tennessee while all of this was going on, and we are getting, like, seven inches of snow that will delay his flight home.

I need a raise.

A Really Good Day

Homemade challah made into French toast - which I didn't have to make

Two cups of coffee

Fresh air, sunlight, and a backyard fire

Two children napping in the early afternoon

Bringing to life someone else's vision of dinner

Chianti

Buttescotch pudding

Storytime with Daddy

Snuggly, cuddly time with Thing Number 2

Sweet goodnight kisses from Thing Number 1

Two children tucked soundly in bed

Old Soul

I often feel that Natalie is growing up too quickly, as I imagine most mothers feel about their children. But for as left brained as I am, Natalie seems to be equally right brained, and that makes her seem much older than her mere five and a half years. I thought, as her all her friends are losing teeth, that that would be the milestone that I would have to deal with this year - a milestone which I am not ready for both because it makes me sad and loose teeth are one of those random things, like feet and wet graham crackers, that totally gross me out. Woe, if loose teeth were the least of my issues with this little, old five and a half year old.

Last week, as we were coloring, a past time I truly enjoy, Natalie felt it was time we talked about God. The fact of the matter is that there really isn't a whole lot of God in our house...well, that is subjective. I am sure that there are plenty of people in our lives (like my Grandmother, who has already bequeathed to me a church missel, which prompted me to ask if she thought I didn't have enough God in my life) who will tell us that God is everywhere in our house and perhaps that is true, but Dan and I are not ones for talking about God on a regular basis or the wonders of Him/Her/It. Just to clear that up. But here my five and a half year old was very curious to know what I thought. If I thought he was perfect. Or if I thought He/She/It could color perfectly. They were such big questions from such a small person. Yet questions, knowing my daughter, I should have been better prepared to answer. I am not going to really get into what my answers were, but the gist of it was that she will learn many things and when she really is older, she will have to make her own decisions. I need to remind you she is five and a half, but she liked that answer.

If the coloring chat about God wasn't enough of an adult conversation for her, the following day, being in Boston, she inquired about the Holocaust monument. Why is was there? What it was for? Dan and I did our best to explain without causing trauma or nightmares, again, she is only five and a half, but she is so probing and analytical that she asked the really tough questions - again I will let you infer because the Holocaust is a really depressing topic for people of any age.

Oh, how I longed for one of her little baby teeth to fall out at that moment. Perhaps, if I had more God in my house that tiny prayer would have been answered.

Little Leprechaun

Sometimes, when I start to post about how wonderful I think my children are and how much I love being a full time mommy, I stop and think this is going to bite me is the bum very soon. Just yesterday I swooned about my children and the gods punished me for being a boastful mommy.

My little man is going though a little terror phase. Before this, he was just a force of nature destroying everything in his path, but now it is calculated. I can see the glint of mischeif in his blue eyes and a devilish grin appears once he has concocted the plan he will carry out. It might be that he is curious of the physics of certain objects around the house, so in the name of science he throws them down the stairs and then laughs in delight of the crash, bang, boom and brokeness of it. The same can be applied to parmesean cheese shakers and food that he has decided tastes "yucky." Or perhaps it is finding the perfect instrument with which he can cane his sister. Today it was a rod to hold up a play tent and when I took that away, he found a sports flag and started whacking her with the stick end.

This morning I found him standing in his crib, in the buff, surrounded by the poop that was in the diaper he had already taken off for me. Yes, he stood there, in his own sh**, smiling and saying, "Stinky poopy, Mommy. PU!"

24/7

Dan has begun traveling for work, which leaves me "on" with our children all day, every day, until he returns. Last week, I was gone for three days. The first day was particularly difficult for me. I didn't know if Natalie had gotten to school, if Joey had taken a proper nap, if Natalie had made it to dance, if she was properly dressed for dance, or if they were going to have a nutritious dinner. It was beyond stressful; a level which I had never experienced. But now Dan is off, and it is just me. I need to entertain them, feed them, bath them, get them in bed, take out the dog, and feed her too, and the garbage (sort of - I don't really do garbage ). And I will be honest, when Dan is travelling, it is basics in this house--eggs, fruit, eggs, hummus, ya know, the basic foods that everyone keeps in the house.

Tonight we went out for dinner. Natalie's choice. Her first choice was quite crowded since it was a "holiday" (sorry Irish people). And we ended up at Bertuccis. And while they ate their ravioli's on the same side of the booth, because Joey needed to sit next to "Tata." And then they smiled through their Hoodsie cups, I couldn't help but smile, too. That I have this amazing opportunity to do this with them because they are, for sure, the best job I have ever had.

Everybody Poops

Full disclosure - you read the title, so if you choose to continue reading, no comments about me being gross et al at the end of this post. Just sayin' you can get out of it now.

Everyone has a poop story. I have a friend, who on a trip around the globe, while trying to help her five year old daughter in the airplane bathroom, dropped her glasses in airplane toilet poop. I laughed so hard, I am pretty sure I cried. To hear her tell it was certainly funnier than my brief recap.

My bother is so proud of his bowel movements, that he will take picture of them. I kid you not. In fact, this post just might springboard a picture of his upcoming poop in my inbox, and if the former statement wouldn't, that latter one will. I promise not to share that with you because it is just gross.

I spent last Thursday, Friday and Saturday in Boston for a seminar on modified Mediterranean diet and the medical supplement food created by MetaGenics that support said diet to lose body fat and maintain lean muscle mass. This is what I do now, I put people on this plan and help them become healthier thems. There were a lot of great things about this seminar, one of which, I thought, was they had all the medical food there, so I was able to try all the flavors of shakes and bars. Generally, they were all decent - the pineapple one was pretty gross, but overall they were tolerable. But you know what happens when one follows a Mediterranean diet which is heavy on the veggies, fruit and legume and tries all different kinds of medical foods? Please refer to the title of this post if you are slow on that thought process.

Being out of my house for 10 hours a day meant that I had no choice but to use the facilities there. I was at the Park Plaza Hotel; it's a classy joint. Everything is the bathroom is automated, the hand soap dispenses automatically, the water pours automatically, the paper towels roll out automatically, and the toilets flush automatically. In fact, the toilet flushing is so sensitive, that they flush when you open the door, when you stand up, when you automatically turn on the water to wash your hands, and when you open the door to leave the bathroom. Sanitary, sure, environmentally responsible, ah, not so much.

But it is a fact of life, that everybody poops. There is a book about it. And if you aren't pooping, I would encourage you to see a doctor...soon. And so I did, poop that is. And wouldn't you know that these ultra sensitive, environmentally unsound toilets didn't flush. Worst. Nightmare. I am dancing around this little stall trying to make this thing flush. I am pushing on the piping in the hopes there is some special flushing reset button. Nothin'. So I wait. I wait until I am as sure as I can be that there are no other women in this bathroom, because I would really hate to be remembered as the girl who left on in the pot. What a terrible, terrible reputation. It is even worse than being the girl who asks a question and every time at the end of said question says "In other words" and then repeats the original question more concisely. Why not just ask in the other words way to begin with? It would be worse than being that girl.

I made my escape quietly and slyfully and thought I am going to blog about this and call it "Everybody Poops"

Family Portrait

It isn't easy getting all four of us in a picture. Most of our family portraits are of Dan and the kids, since I am usually taking the picture. It is kind of sad when I think about it. At the holidays, when we are dressed nicely, I always think that it will be nice to have a portrait, but the truth is, that they never really come out great. As it turns out, nice clothes does not guarantee a nice picture, go figure.

Yesterday, when Dan decided we should go on a little impromptu snow hike to see some raging water falls, he was taking pictures to track the mini hike on his trail blog. Lightbulb, let's take a picture of the four of us. And wouldn't you know, it is one of the best family pictures (not that there are many to compete with) that we have.

It is the pictures like this that make me realize how truly perfect my little family is, even if Natalie tells me everyday that my job is to make sure that no one has any fun, and Joey has discovered that the walls make an excellent canvas for markers. Simply perfect.