Sunday, March 28, 2010

Violet, You're Turning Violet, Violet

I am a gum chewer. Primarily because I am also a stress eater. I wish I were one of those people who, when faced with any type of emotional crisis, would just shut down and go to bed. But I don't. I head for the bread, of which there is little in my house or for cookies, of which there are none in my house, unless you count the Trader Joe's fig bars that my children consume as though it were their jobs. And if you count those as cookies, well then, I head for those. I should be 300 pounds, but I am not, because I chew gum.

I also enjoy blowing bubbles...with the gum that is. This disgusting past time lead me to always have a pack of Carefree peppermint and Carefree bubblegum. The combination of these two flavors were perfect for long lasting minty flavor and the aforementioned bubble blowing. Then Orbit arrived with its Bubblemint and I was in business; I no longer had to buy two packs of gum! However, after Bubblemint, Orbit and other gum brands were coming out with crazy new flavors and every time I saw the "new" stamped on the package I simple had to try it. One of these new gums was going to be the be all, end all of gums. The gum that actually lasted and extra, extra long time and would let me kiss a little longer, stay close a little longer. Citrus, citrusmint, pomegranate blueberry, wild blueberry, wild strawberry, sangria, margarita, and there there are gums with names just like, "fresh", "wild", "savage."

My gum chewing had gone beyond just keeping my mouth occupied so I wouldn't eat loaves of bread, it became a mission to find the gum that would provide me with a three course meal: hot split pea soup, roast beef and mashed potatoes with gravy, and of course, blueberry pie for dessert. Trident came out with layers of flavor, supposedly so good I could pay my babysitter with it. What a money saver that would be. I gave in--I bought it. I was disappointed. So much so, that I wouldn't even offer a piece to my babysitter, let alone pay her with it.

Then....THEN...Stride has a new "Mystery Flavor" That is what it is called. Even the packaging screamed Willy Wonka with its swirly twirly psychedlic cover. I was sure to be serenaded by little orange men after chewing a piece of this gum. I closed my eyes to concentrate on unlocking the mystery of this flavor. There is no mystery. It tasted like every other disappointing gum flavor that touts to be the best flavor.

I will not be rolled to the juicing room today, neither because I have been filled with blueberry juice nor because I am padded with carbohydrates.

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