Perception

My friend, Linda is embarking on a new career path or a similar career path as her own boss, either way, she is starting a business and in the start up process I am able to help her by being a guinea pig. I was nervous at first, as her new business involves coming to my house, going through my clothes, discarding articles on sight because they are old, worn, dated, etc., followed by me trying things on that she can't really determine the fate of as they hang on the hanger, and finally concludes with a shopping trip.

I was ok with the going through the closet part. In fact, I told her that I don't really wear much from the closet because my closet is downstairs and full of mostly work clothes that I don't have much of a need for these days. This did not deter her; she went through it all, we packed most of the old stuff in a bag and managed to make a small pile that was worthy of consignment. Not so bad.

Phase two was all about me trying things on. Ugh. The truth is, that I don't try my clothes in the closet on very often for fear that they no longer fit. While most of them are from after I had Natalie and before I had Joey, there are a few pieces that I am hanging onto from before I had either child and let me assure you, I am not that body anymore. But we forged ahead, and she was first surprised by "how small" I actually am, which took my by surprise, because I don't feel that way. I feel that I used to be "so small" but have had two children by then and now am larger. So even though I was afraid to try on all of these clothes because I don't see myself for who I am, but rather who I no longer am, it turns out they did fit and a good handful of them were too big.

She reassured me that I exercise, regularly, and that I should show that off. Yes, I am usually in work out clothes, but not to look like I am working out, but because I do work out. And when she left, she thanked me for letting her go through my closet, and I thanked her for all the nice things she said to me while I tried my clothes on to which she responded something like, isn't it nice how other people don't see our flaws the way we do.

Everyone should have their closets cleaned...it's refreshing.

It Takes a Village

Dan had to travel again for work. And while we have had full days of business, I really miss him. I do believe that I miss him extra this time due to the wave of the stomach bug that is weaving its way around us. And we all know how I just can not even handle the thought of the bug attacking us. Very early this morning, I lay in bed convinced that it was the moment that I would be taken victim. I got out of bed and cleaned all the dishes I had left in the sink, not so much as a distraction, but I was planning a phone chain in my head of who I could call to mind my children and I didn't want anyone to see the dirty dishes. Mind you, this probably should have been my first inkling that it was sheer anxiety making me feel ill and not a virus. But I did the dishes and the I proceeded to clean the bathroom so that if I did get sick, it was clean. As I play it all out now, I realize how insane this all sounds. But at 1am, knowing that I am all alone with my kids, and the people in our lives are dropping like flies, it made perfect sense.

It is not often that I run "home." But if Natalie didn't have dance class late this afternoon, I would have packed the kids up and headed to New Jersey in the hopes that the gaggle of family we have there would come to my aide and take care of me and if not, at the very least, entertain my children for a little while so I could take a little nap....or a valium.

Cheese-o-Meter

I'm not one for full on, external expressions of love. I mean I have no problem with saying "I love you," holding hands, hugging, or a peck on the face, but to grandstand my emotions...not so much my thing. In fact, to know me is to know that if you do grandstand, I will be the first to tell you how cheesey you are. I should have less friends than I do.

In college, while taking a mandated English course, my professor had us read some timeless love poem, Shakespeare's Sonnet 16 or Elizabeth Barrett Browning...one of those and then asked us how we thought it rated on the "cheeseometer." No joke, a professor asked us that question in class followed by the comment, "Is it oozing with Velveeta?" I've been racking my brain trying to remember the little man's name. I even busted out old papers from his class looking for a clue, but all I have left of him is his cheeseometer and ridiculous reference to a disturbing excuse for cheese, which I have used as a scale for the past twelve years or so.

So here we are on Valentine's Day, which I always downplay and bah, mainly so I won't be disappointed, and my valentine is on the other side of the country. How is that for karma? But I thought I would take this semi public opportunity to grandstand and bust the needle off of my personal cheeseometer because if there is anything in this world that could make me resort to cheesiness it is my love for Dan. But as I started to think about what I could say that would really express the level of velveeta-ness I would need to, I couldn't find the words and really didn't want to share them with anyone but Dan. So play in your head the lyrics to every cheesey love song you can think of and I mean really cheesey and all the sweet tender ones, too, and add in there the largest box of Russell Stover chocolates you have ever seen surrounded by all the red roses in the world and the last scenes of all the greatest romance movies that have ever existed and the cheesey ones, too, and then multiply that by a lifetime to the infinity power and then you might have a tiny little inkling to how much I love him.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Bringing Back the Fun

Today is the day I find out if I win the Toy Story 3 on Ice, and I feel only slightly lame about how nervous and excited I am about the possibility. I don't really win a lot of things.

Last year, at Natalie's school, I won a basket full of early American toys from the Louisa May Alcott House. I was pretty pumped about that, too. Especially, since it came with the movie version of Little Women - there you have it folks, a movie that is a gazillion times better than the book. Sorry Mrs. Alcott, but Little Women is a little boring. snoooooooooze. But put Winona Ryder, Claire Danes, Susan Sarandon, Gabriel Byrne, and Christian Bale in a film together? Um, did you read that, Christian Bale, and he isn't all emaciated (or emancipated as my brother likes to say) nor is he chopping up socialites, so if you like him like that, you love him in Little Women...to bad I can't go see that on ice.

Admittedly, I don't think that I am going to win, mainly because of the level of excitement I am attempting to internalize. If you think it is coming through this post, well, multiply that by a really big number. If I do win, maybe Natalie will stop telling me that I am "always ruining all the fun."

So, fingers crossed that I can somehow redeem myself in my daughters eyes by winning.

Contest

This morning, at the ripe hour of 6, Dan's alarm went off. Normally this would not bother me as I wake up at this time to get a quick workout in before the kids wake up, but last night I had decided that I would not wake up at 6am and exercise. I had decided that I would exercise later in the day. In hindsight, I should have done it then, because it is later in the day now and I assure you, I have no intentions of running the way I had planned. So instead of running, I checked Facebook, because isn't that what all sane people do in the early morning hours? What I found was a contest, posted by my friend and former colleague, to win four tickets to Toy Story 3 on Ice.

You can click on that to check it out. But if I find out that you won via my blog, I'll be super bummed.

Truth be told, as of 6am I had not seen Toy Story 3. I sent a quick text to Holly, because I knew that she had taken her kids and I thought maybe she could give me some Holly's Notes. And yes, I texted her at 6:30 because we are those kind of friends. She had nothing to give me, so instead of cheating, I had to watch the third one myself. And when I say myself, I mean all by myself. Natalie loved 1 & 2, but just wasn't in to watching 3. When I told her about the contest, she was super into it, so when I inquired as to why she wouldn't watch the movie with me, but wanted me to win the contest, she simply said, "Because it will be on ice, Mommy. And that's cool."

So here I am, on a Friday night, my kids are both asleep, and I am watching Toy Story 3 so that I can win a contest because that would be "cool."