Maple Syrup

I know it has been a month - over a month. And I want you all to know that I have lots of drafts. Drafts about a book challenge I sign on for, for which I need to read fifty books by Decemeber - I've read eleven. I think it is pretty safe to say that I am going to fail that challenge. I have a draft about a fun and funny dinner out with my Helgadus, and our discussion about how the same name can be a stripper, porn star, or debutante depending on the spelling. I have a draft about our recent trip to Disney, which was great fun, FYI, but I wanted to upload a picture to go with it and the battery of my camera died, and I can't find the charger to charge the battery - so what is a girl to do, but not post it, of course.

So what have I been doing for this past month and a half if I'm not blogging? I have been looking for my Season 1 of Glee. Yes, that's right, I bought it. It makes me happy when they sing and dance, and I like to watch it while I am working out on the elliptical - because my beloved treadmill still doesn't work. Boo! But yes, in the winter months, Dan was traveling quite a bit and I purchased Glee for myself, because he was gone and watching it wasn't going to give me nightmares. But I have misplaced it. I know that I misplaced it because my tiny, little mischief maker liked to take all the discs out of the case, so I put it somewhere he wouldn't be able to reach, and now I can't find it.

I have looked everywhere-- the bookshelves, all five cases...the craft closet, the pantry shelves, the fridge and freezer in basement. I have looked under the furniture, under the cushion, under the bro's workbench. I have looked in the game closet, in my closet, on my desk, on Dan's desk and in the filing cabinet. And then I looked in all of those places at least twenty more times.

It reminds me of the time I lost the maple syrup, only to find that it had fallen behind the tea, which no one drinks. So I looked in there, just to be sure...no such luck.

Tangible

This is the time of year that I get all sentimental and remember my dad. I have this old, green Ben and Jerry's t-shirt. A shirt that I have had since my freshman year in college. It has holes all around the collar and normally would be something I could easily purge. But this shirt I bought with my parents, both of them, my freshman year in college.

My father is a presence and a noted absence in our house. Natalie has memories of him, but I am sure over time her brief three years with him will just be hazy, and to the bro he is just a picture and name that I saddled him with. But obviously I have many memories of my father, some that I go back to time and time again when I think about him. Some funny, some annoying, and some that I hear come out in my own parenting. The bro is a pretty early riser, as am I, but on those rare occasions that I am up before I think about all the very early morning Saturday breakfasts my father and I had at the Bar-B-Cue House where he would always order eggs, and I would order blueberry blintzes with sour cream or we went to Denny's where he would always order eggs and I would order a fruit cup and hash browns. The way I remember it, we did this every Saturday on my early childhood because we were the only two up at 6:30am. When the bro wakes, I wonder if he and I will do this as Dan and Natalie sleep in.

Sometimes, it is the memory of my wedding and how he wouldn't' leave me alone. I mean he was seriously annoying. Which, now, I of course look back on with fondness. I remember, as well all line up and the procession started, I began to hyperventilate, and my dad, not a funny man, told me he wished he knew a joke in order to make me laugh...I think the thought of him being funny made me laugh.

But this shirt, I stick my face in it, and I cry-- because my father bought this ratty, old shirt for me, and I miss him every single day, and I feel like throwing out this shirt is like throwing away a small piece of him that I am able to actually hold on to forever.

30:57

Sunday I ran my second official 5K. It was a really nice one, too. The weather was perfect, the race started at 10, and it was 10 minutes from my house. The course was a path that we drive regularly, so it was kind of nice to run something I was very familiar with. It had some decent inclines too, which I always remind myself, as I run, that what goes up must come down.

My friend, Elana, an avid runner, sets her sights on someone to pass in order to push herself. I thought I would try that, too. Granted I set my sights on a thirteen year old kid and a woman with a stroller, but I passed them. Go me! I passed a third person, but I am pretty sure that shew as slowing down due to a cramp. I knew that I was running at a pretty good pace (for me) and I probably would have finished in less time if it weren't for the fact that due to birthing two children, (TMI warning, continue reading at your own risk) when I push myself running about 5.5 or 6 mph, basically, it looks as though I have peed myself. I blame the bro for this, as he sat very, very low throughout the entire pregnancy. There were times I thought I would sneeze and he would pop right out. **Don't be mad at me if you kept reading-- I warned you!

Anyway, due to this incontinence, I became quite self conscious and rigged my jacket to act as a running skirt. Had I not worried about this or not had this issue, I feel I could have run it in 30 minutes flat. Oh well. This is a personal best for me, and I was more than pleased to run a ten minute mile because for that, it can only go down from here.

But most importantly, there at the finish line was my little family, with Natalie jumping up and down cheering me on and that was worth an extra 57 seconds on my time.

Blog Block

I have blog block. I thought if I just start writing, something would come out and be interesting and inspiring and witty. I literally have spent hours thinking about things to write. Sidebar: "literally" so I am told is the intelligent person's "like." Fun tidbit I thought I would share. But for real. I have like, literally spent hours thinking. Last night, after being awoken at 2am, I tossed and turned and thought about topics.

There is fodder. I have two tiny people who keep be both entertained and frustrated simultaneously. The bro bro has gone from being a force of nature to a garden gnome. The little boy causes mischief and then laughs at it. Not to mention, he can now get himself out of his crib and his room, so one never really knows when he will show up right behind you. "Mommy, look what I do. I get out." This new ability is a little unnerving. As he likes to take out step stools and try to make his own food, "I got it. I can doooooo it!" He has also taken a habit of climbing onto the chair in his room, to the space heater (which is not on), to the changing table, which will inevitably lead him to falling off the changing table. Also, just to keep it all interesting, he is the perfect height to hit the counter edges and he runs....everywhere, usually looking behind himself to see if anyone is taking the bait and chasing him.

I believe these are called the "terrible twos." We just had never experienced them with Natalie. Sassy threes, and fours, and fives, but never terrible twos.

Block blogged. Ahhhhh. I feel better now.

33 Interesting-ish Facts about Me

1. I bite my nails
2. I spend a lot of time worrying about things that are out of my control even though I know I shouldn't and then rationalize that I shouldn't worry about them - it is a work in progress
3. I am madly in love with my husband and have been since I met him at 14, however, there are pieces of my heart that belong to the other boys who helped me get to him
4. I like to believe that I am fiercely loyal to my friends. I would throw punches in an alley if I needed to
5. The two nicest things Dan says to me are that I am a wonderful mother and my father would be proud of me
6. I have never read a book by Jane Austen
7. I birthed both of my children without drugs to prove to myself that I am strong and to spite all the people who said I couldn't do it
8. I am spiteful, and I don't really like that about myself
9. My favorite meal is wine and cheese
10. There is a moment of every day when I think about my father, and I usually cry a little
11. I make multiple to do lists and post them around the house so I don't forget our schedule
12. I would really love to have at least one more child
13. I do "girl" pushups out of laziness
14. I regularly try on all the pants in my closet to see how they fit
15. I love shoes
16. My world revolves around my children
17. I have friends from my childhood, high school, college, professional world, mommy world, and I love, love, love them all, and mean no offense to any of them, but I am most proud of the friendship I have fostered with Alissa
18. I read every night
19. This is not the life I imagined for myself, but I wouldn't change this path
20. I have no special skills or talents. My friend, Suzy, told me I am funny and that that is a talent, but I don't think it is. However, Suzy is very funny, so I took it as a compliment.
21. I am not very good at taking compliments
22. I get super excited over very mundane things, ie, new underwear, tall booths in a restaurant....
23. I am somewhat obsessed with exercise and being healthy, but equally obsessed with wine and cheese and they tend to cancel each other out
24. I clean up well (I mean in appearance and not around me...I am not so good at that and so I pay someone to do it for me.)
25. To date, my biggest regret in life is that I didn't tell my father that Dan and I planned to name the bro bro after him.
26. Not only do the other Kristen Dattoli and I share the same name and live in the same state, we share the same birthday, which I think it both awesome and totally freaky.
27. When Dan and I first lived together and before then actually, nothing I prepared to eat was actually edible....nothing
28. Ever since I was younger and thought that children might be a possibility in my future, my daughter was going to be named Madison Sage. I'm glad I didn't name my daughter that.
29. I struggle with my weight every day but try very, very hard to make exercising and good eating habits to be about overall health so that my children adopt that and don't ever feel badly about themselves, because they are perfect :)
30. When I am 90, I know, for sure, that I will have the face of my paternal grandmother
31. My best friend from high school, is still very much my best friend
32. Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is dishes and laundry
33. Generally, I am not a fan of being surprised, but every once and a while I don't think I would mind it so much

Drama Queen Cries Wolf

So, I don't know how many of you who read my blog have a five year old at home, well, I know some of you do, but what I mean is the people who read my blog, but don't let me know that they read my blog via, say, comments or "following." Anyway, so for those of you who do, this may sound familiar both because you are living with it or I have already shared the story with you, and for those of you who don't...well, here is what you're missing.

I'm not 100% sure, but I think that this drama thing is genetic. And I'm not going to say which side she gets it from, but both sides have it and it skipped a generation. That generation being me and Dan, of course. The true beauty of Natalie's performances is that there is equal amounts of drama to express that she doesn't like dinner, has a paper cut, has fallen down the stairs, or I have asked her one too many times to just brush her teeth already. All instances involve amazing face contortions, body flailing and throwing, and eventually tears. And by tears, I mean full on water works.

Months ago, at her last dental cleaning, the hygienist checked her teeth and shared with us that the bottom two were loose. Hygienist must have some spidey senses, because I wiggled them too, and there really wasn't any wiggling. Natalie, however, has been talking about her loose teeth for months. MONTHS! She can't bite and apple because her teeth are loose; she can't eat whatever I made for dinner because her teeth are loose; she can't go to bed on time because her teeth are loose. It didn't help that just about everyone we know has already lost at least one tooth. I wasn't really sure how much more of the loose tooth business I could handle.

On Monday, sitting at the Starbucks counter, I had to listen to her go on, and on, and on, and on, and on about the loose teeth. Finally, I was like, "Come here and let me see."

And wouldn't you know, that tiny little baby tooth is loose.

Pity Party

This past week was one of those weeks when I felt like I just couldn't catch a break. To the point that when people asked how I was, I couldn't even muster up a believable fake smile and say that everything was good. No, I answered them with a "okay" in such a tone that made people follow up with "What's wrong?" And I told them. And in the process of telling no less than three people of my woes, I stopped myself everytime within the conversation and apologized for whining and complaining because the truth is, I really don't have anything to complain about.

I have a good life. I have a nice home. I have amazing friends from just about every walk of life I've led. I have beautiful, healthy children (aside from nickels and croup and meltdowns), and a husband, who was told at our wedding, "The key to a happy marriage, is a happy wife," and he has followed that advice for the past eight and a half years. In my heart and my head, I know that I was just feeling sorry for myself for no good reason.

So, thank you to the friends, who didn't know they were invited to my pity party, and caught me at those moments when I just couldn't pretend that I was feeling 100% and who, after I apologized for whining to them, assured me that is was okay and I am entitled to do so every so often. And thank you to those friends, who I know, if I had encountered you, you too would have let me whine and vent.