Perception

My friend, Linda is embarking on a new career path or a similar career path as her own boss, either way, she is starting a business and in the start up process I am able to help her by being a guinea pig. I was nervous at first, as her new business involves coming to my house, going through my clothes, discarding articles on sight because they are old, worn, dated, etc., followed by me trying things on that she can't really determine the fate of as they hang on the hanger, and finally concludes with a shopping trip.

I was ok with the going through the closet part. In fact, I told her that I don't really wear much from the closet because my closet is downstairs and full of mostly work clothes that I don't have much of a need for these days. This did not deter her; she went through it all, we packed most of the old stuff in a bag and managed to make a small pile that was worthy of consignment. Not so bad.

Phase two was all about me trying things on. Ugh. The truth is, that I don't try my clothes in the closet on very often for fear that they no longer fit. While most of them are from after I had Natalie and before I had Joey, there are a few pieces that I am hanging onto from before I had either child and let me assure you, I am not that body anymore. But we forged ahead, and she was first surprised by "how small" I actually am, which took my by surprise, because I don't feel that way. I feel that I used to be "so small" but have had two children by then and now am larger. So even though I was afraid to try on all of these clothes because I don't see myself for who I am, but rather who I no longer am, it turns out they did fit and a good handful of them were too big.

She reassured me that I exercise, regularly, and that I should show that off. Yes, I am usually in work out clothes, but not to look like I am working out, but because I do work out. And when she left, she thanked me for letting her go through my closet, and I thanked her for all the nice things she said to me while I tried my clothes on to which she responded something like, isn't it nice how other people don't see our flaws the way we do.

Everyone should have their closets cleaned...it's refreshing.

It Takes a Village

Dan had to travel again for work. And while we have had full days of business, I really miss him. I do believe that I miss him extra this time due to the wave of the stomach bug that is weaving its way around us. And we all know how I just can not even handle the thought of the bug attacking us. Very early this morning, I lay in bed convinced that it was the moment that I would be taken victim. I got out of bed and cleaned all the dishes I had left in the sink, not so much as a distraction, but I was planning a phone chain in my head of who I could call to mind my children and I didn't want anyone to see the dirty dishes. Mind you, this probably should have been my first inkling that it was sheer anxiety making me feel ill and not a virus. But I did the dishes and the I proceeded to clean the bathroom so that if I did get sick, it was clean. As I play it all out now, I realize how insane this all sounds. But at 1am, knowing that I am all alone with my kids, and the people in our lives are dropping like flies, it made perfect sense.

It is not often that I run "home." But if Natalie didn't have dance class late this afternoon, I would have packed the kids up and headed to New Jersey in the hopes that the gaggle of family we have there would come to my aide and take care of me and if not, at the very least, entertain my children for a little while so I could take a little nap....or a valium.

Cheese-o-Meter

I'm not one for full on, external expressions of love. I mean I have no problem with saying "I love you," holding hands, hugging, or a peck on the face, but to grandstand my emotions...not so much my thing. In fact, to know me is to know that if you do grandstand, I will be the first to tell you how cheesey you are. I should have less friends than I do.

In college, while taking a mandated English course, my professor had us read some timeless love poem, Shakespeare's Sonnet 16 or Elizabeth Barrett Browning...one of those and then asked us how we thought it rated on the "cheeseometer." No joke, a professor asked us that question in class followed by the comment, "Is it oozing with Velveeta?" I've been racking my brain trying to remember the little man's name. I even busted out old papers from his class looking for a clue, but all I have left of him is his cheeseometer and ridiculous reference to a disturbing excuse for cheese, which I have used as a scale for the past twelve years or so.

So here we are on Valentine's Day, which I always downplay and bah, mainly so I won't be disappointed, and my valentine is on the other side of the country. How is that for karma? But I thought I would take this semi public opportunity to grandstand and bust the needle off of my personal cheeseometer because if there is anything in this world that could make me resort to cheesiness it is my love for Dan. But as I started to think about what I could say that would really express the level of velveeta-ness I would need to, I couldn't find the words and really didn't want to share them with anyone but Dan. So play in your head the lyrics to every cheesey love song you can think of and I mean really cheesey and all the sweet tender ones, too, and add in there the largest box of Russell Stover chocolates you have ever seen surrounded by all the red roses in the world and the last scenes of all the greatest romance movies that have ever existed and the cheesey ones, too, and then multiply that by a lifetime to the infinity power and then you might have a tiny little inkling to how much I love him.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Bringing Back the Fun

Today is the day I find out if I win the Toy Story 3 on Ice, and I feel only slightly lame about how nervous and excited I am about the possibility. I don't really win a lot of things.

Last year, at Natalie's school, I won a basket full of early American toys from the Louisa May Alcott House. I was pretty pumped about that, too. Especially, since it came with the movie version of Little Women - there you have it folks, a movie that is a gazillion times better than the book. Sorry Mrs. Alcott, but Little Women is a little boring. snoooooooooze. But put Winona Ryder, Claire Danes, Susan Sarandon, Gabriel Byrne, and Christian Bale in a film together? Um, did you read that, Christian Bale, and he isn't all emaciated (or emancipated as my brother likes to say) nor is he chopping up socialites, so if you like him like that, you love him in Little Women...to bad I can't go see that on ice.

Admittedly, I don't think that I am going to win, mainly because of the level of excitement I am attempting to internalize. If you think it is coming through this post, well, multiply that by a really big number. If I do win, maybe Natalie will stop telling me that I am "always ruining all the fun."

So, fingers crossed that I can somehow redeem myself in my daughters eyes by winning.

Contest

This morning, at the ripe hour of 6, Dan's alarm went off. Normally this would not bother me as I wake up at this time to get a quick workout in before the kids wake up, but last night I had decided that I would not wake up at 6am and exercise. I had decided that I would exercise later in the day. In hindsight, I should have done it then, because it is later in the day now and I assure you, I have no intentions of running the way I had planned. So instead of running, I checked Facebook, because isn't that what all sane people do in the early morning hours? What I found was a contest, posted by my friend and former colleague, to win four tickets to Toy Story 3 on Ice.

You can click on that to check it out. But if I find out that you won via my blog, I'll be super bummed.

Truth be told, as of 6am I had not seen Toy Story 3. I sent a quick text to Holly, because I knew that she had taken her kids and I thought maybe she could give me some Holly's Notes. And yes, I texted her at 6:30 because we are those kind of friends. She had nothing to give me, so instead of cheating, I had to watch the third one myself. And when I say myself, I mean all by myself. Natalie loved 1 & 2, but just wasn't in to watching 3. When I told her about the contest, she was super into it, so when I inquired as to why she wouldn't watch the movie with me, but wanted me to win the contest, she simply said, "Because it will be on ice, Mommy. And that's cool."

So here I am, on a Friday night, my kids are both asleep, and I am watching Toy Story 3 so that I can win a contest because that would be "cool."

Price of Perfection

Just last week I had a "mom's day out." What this entails is meeting up with a group of moms including Izzy and Holly, and we go out without our children and our husbands and basically do something that Izzy has planned for us. She's our Mom Coordinator. This last trip involved a manicure, with a fabulous new nail polish that is dry right away and is still perfect a week later, shopping, and dinner. I'm really not a shopper and on top of not being a shopper, we were headed to the Christmas Tree Shops which I find totally overwhelming and sometimes disturbing. But wouldn't you know that I was the one who spent the most amount of money there. I truly had no intention of buying anything but I wandered aimlessly around the store, I stumbled upon the frame section and found a bunch of dark cherry frames, in all different sizes, with matte board already in them. Now, this past summer I had professional pictures taken of the kids and had yet to do something with them. So I picked up three 11x14 frames, four 8x10, four 5x7 and three 4x6. Because although I didn't intend to buy anything nor did I need anything. I have been wanting a montage of picture going up the staircase. My aunt and uncle have this as well as just about every perfect tv family. This is another one of those things, as a little girl, I knew my house would one day have.

So remember a long, long time ago when I started this little blog and told you all about my commitment issues? I'll give you a minute to hop over to that post and refresh....

I filled all those frames and laid them out the way I would place them on the wall. And in a moment of what I thought was complete genius, I took the paper that comes inside the frame, you know, the one with the beautiful, posed people, and taped them to the wall in my pre-determined arrangement. I stood back and stared at my template with pride. Then I made Dan admire it with me, and I am sure not to be a buzzkill, he said, "You know the frames are going to take up more space than those pictures...just sayin'." I hadn't really thought of that in my moment of genius. So I held some of the frames up to make sure they would all fit, and they totally did, until they didn't, and I had about 18 holes that needed to be spackled and repainted.

Fitting In

Don't think I have forgotten about the blog; I have about four half written entries. I start to write them with passion and vigor and then I lose my train of thought and the entry no longer makes sense. So I walk away for it for a while and become distracted in other half finished projects. ;)

Natalie was invited to a birthday party, well, she has been invited to many birthday parties, so many in fact that I have just begun storing gifts in my closet because it is just silly to be going to the store every other day for another gift. I have to give her credit though, she has become very efficient at gift shopping. But recently she was invited to a party that requested that the gift not be a gift but a gift card. Many of you may already know about this birthday party as I have vented, for lacked of a better word, about the details of the gift giving request. I was really tormented by this whole idea of a gift card. First because the birthday girl was turning four, and I just can't imagine any four year old requesting a gift card. Secondly, I took issue with the gift cards that we suggested as a gift...American Girl Store, Build-A-Bear, or my very favorite, a VISA gift card. I reiterate, she was turning four..a VISA gift card, really?

I need to explain this, Natalie doesn't just get invited to a party here and there, next week or the week after she has three...in one week. So I have to sort of, kind of prioritize our gift spending budget. We have best friends who are like family, we have best friends who are part of our every day life, we have good friends that we have known for a while now, and we have friends we are just getting to know. For this particular party, it was for a little girl we just met at the start of this school year. And while she may become someone who is a part of our greater future, the truth is, right now, I don't really know her. Do I need to say more? She is on the less expensive end of my gift budget spectrum. That doesn't mean that she wouldn't get a great, fun gift it just means that it costs less money. American Girl, Build-A-Bear and VISA, well, they don't cost less money. Therefore, I let Natalie pick a gift and then spent the last week in knots over my decision.

Like I said, I don't know this little girl very well, nor do I know her parents. I did that which I always do in times of uncertainty and asked other people if they were going to be giving gift cards, and they were. So I hemmed and hawed, and Dan gave me a hard time about it and told me to stick to my gut feeling that a gift card was an inappropriate gift for a four year old. But I couldn't let it go. Because my insecurities got the best of me, and I just wanted to fit it and not make anyone mad at me. So this morning, the day of the party, I took Natalie to the mall, and we purchased a gift card.

And wouldn't you know, when we arrived at the party, there were people there who brought a proper present. Another item for Dan to add to his "I Told You So" List.